‘Atlas of the Heart’ Explores 87 Emotions That Make Us Human
Hello, it’s been a while. 👋
I took a long, unexpected break from reading after my mom passed away earlier this year. Even though reading had become my escape, I wasn’t able to get my mind to settle enough to pick up a book these past few months. But then my friend introduced me to Brené Brown and gave me Atlas of the Heart for Christmas, so I decided to give it a shot. Turns out it was just what I needed not only to get back into reading, but to also understand my emotions.
I’d never read any of Brown’s books before — but I’d seen her Netflix special “The Call to Courage,” which I highly recommend — so I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect going into this one. The cover summarizes its contents with this sentence: “Mapping meaningful connections and the language of human experience.” It sounded intriguing, but somewhat vague. What could I possibly learn from this?
After reading it, I would describe this book as an exploration of 87 emotions that make us human. Brown deep dives into emotions like wonder, resentment, joy, disappointment, grief and compassion and reveals eye-opening insights that will make you reevaluate your feelings and how they impact your interactions with others.
There were so many learnings in this book, but here are six concepts that really stuck with me:
💗 “Anxiety and excitement feel the same, but how we interpret and label them can determine how we experience them.” BOOM. This is huge because it demonstrates how powerful having the right mindset can be. “Researchers found that labeling the emotion as excitement seems to hinge on interpreting bodily sensations as positive,” Brown writes. “The labels are important because they help us know what to do next.”
💗 I’ve always considered myself a perfectionist, so this one really blew my mind. “Perfectionism is not striving to be our best or working toward excellence. Healthy striving is internally driven. Perfectionism is externally driven by a simple but potentially all-consuming question: What will people think?” Brown goes on to say, “One of the biggest barriers to working toward mastery is perfectionism. Perfectionism kills curiosity by telling us that we have to know everything or we risk looking ‘less than.’”
💗 Grief is not a linear process, but there are foundational elements of grief, which Brown found in her research: loss, longing, and feeling lost. Considering the fact that I’m grieving the loss of my mom, this section really resonated with me. In the book, Brown quotes grief expert David Kessler, who gave this insight: “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.”
💗 Brown talks about how avoidance is a coping strategy for anxiety, but points out that this can potentially hurt us and other people. In Atlas of the Heart, Brown includes a quote from Dr. Harriet Lerner from her book The Dance of Fear to illustrate this: “It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable, so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run, but it will never make you less afraid.”
💗 Turns out nostalgia wasn’t a good thing back in the day. It was the name of a phenomenon where people who lived far from home and were obsessed with returning started to become physically sick. As Brown explains, “Nostalgia was considered a medical disease and a psychiatric disorder until the early nineteenth century. Today, researchers describe nostalgia as a frequent, primarily positive, context-specific bittersweet emotion that combines elements of happiness and sadness with a sense of yearning and loss. Interestingly, nostalgia is more likely to be triggered by negative moods, like loneliness, and by our struggles to find meaning in our current lives.”
💗 Brown talks about foreboding joy in her Netflix special, but elaborates on it in this book. It’s a fascinating emotion that I never realized could be so detrimental. “No emotion is more frightening than joy, because we believe if we allow ourselves to feel joy, we are inviting disaster … We are terrified of being blindsided by pain, so we practice tragedy and trauma. But there’s a huge cost. When we push away joy, we squander the goodness that we need to build resilience, strength, and courage.”
My therapist once asked me, “What do you think your emotions are telling you?” and I had no idea how to respond. But after reading this book, I definitely have a better understanding of where my emotions are coming from and why I may react in certain ways. The insights here are eye-opening, and despite being a research heavy book, this was not a boring read. Brown’s writing is clear and concise, and uses plenty of real world (and sometimes personal) examples.
💥𝐓𝐋;𝐃𝐑: This book maps out how the emotions we have and the language we use to express them can impact ourselves and others. An excellent read for those trying to better understand themselves and deepen their connections. 5/5
Read more about Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown:
